Dear Ms. Reba,

     I am 45 years old and have been separated from my wife for almost a year. Even though my divorce is not final, I have been dating several woman. I have been having the time of my life. I feel like a teenager again. 
There is just one snag in my new found freedom, I have been seeing one woman more than the others and I think I am growing to love her. 

     On the one hand, I feel like I would be stuck in a rut and wasting my life if I settled down in an serious relationship right now. On the other hand, I would like to move to another level with this woman. What should I do? Signed, Confused 
 

Dear Confused,

     Half of all marriages in the United States end up in divorce. No matter what the circumstances it is never easy to divorce. The letting go and moving on with your life is a process that needs to be worked through.
There are no hard and fast rules about how long it takes a person to recover from divorce. You, however, are still fairly fresh from the wounds of an ending marriage. I am not surprised you are confused about having feelings of love for another woman so soon.

     What to do?

     First, when in doubt, don’t, no matter what it is. Don’t rush into anything. Communicate with the woman you are growing to love. Tell her just what you told me. You will know what she is made of if once you communicate how you are feeling she accepts it maturely.
If she is growing in love with you too, she will be willing to let you move at a slow pace in order for the confusion in your life to resolve itself.

     We all want to love and be loved. So it is OK to love this woman just take your time and enjoy life.
My best advice for you is to find some passion in your life in addition to a romantic interlude. Grab onto some gusto, do something for yourself that will make you feel like a million dollars: dance, paint, garden, cut the grass, get involved with a volunteer project, whatever it takes to make you feel a sense of accomplishment.
Find a community of like-minded people. It is always best to have a support group. Friends who will be there for you in thick and thin.

     Life is short so yes, love a lot but be kind to yourself first. 

© 2003 Rebecca Maloney All Rights Reserved.
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