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Dear Miz Reba

     Welcome to Chesapeake Style’s newest column. It is a column for single men and women. A bit different than what you may be used to reading but I think you will find it entertaining. 

     My name is Rebecca, aka, Ms. Reba. I am a 49 year old decently attractive (at least my girlfriends tell me so. I love those girlfriends) single woman. Being single at my age has not been my life long dream but here I am single. I would rather be at home with and middle aged husband wearing overalls and no make-up. Instead, I date. I try to look good.I work out three times weekly, use the best of wrinkle creams and floss my teeth—more than you wanted to read.Agh! All in an effort to attract someone into my life.

     Oh, I have had a few boyfriends since my divorce. I have been to single dances, single dinners, tried the on-line dating, and still nada....nothing...I am still single.
So what is the secret to love in your 40‚s, 50‚s, 60‚s and beyond?

     That is what this column is all about. I invite your questions or comments on being older and single. Ask what you want about dating, love, failed love, growing love. If we single baby-boomers cannot find lasting love, we can at least have a camaraderie about trying to find “it”. This is a column to laugh, cry, be serious or be funny. No holds barred. 

     So write on single souls. Ms. Reba is here to listen to your comments or answer your questions on some of life‚s more confusing issues.

Dear Ms. Reba,
I am in my forties. I am a single woman who has been dating a man for six months. I am crazy about him. I am not interested marriage but I want a steady, loyal, and joyful companion to share my life. The problem is that the feelings are not mutual. He has told me he is not interested in anything long-term. On the other hand, I go out with him every week-end and he is very loving. We have a lot of fun and much in common. My feelings for him are strong and letting go will cause me a pain that I am not looking forward to feeling. What am I to do? 
Sincerely, Forlorn
My Dear Forlorn,
You are experiencing the ancient predicament of “He who wants his cake and eat it too.” The way I see it, you can do one of two things. First, you could cool it for a while. No need for analyzing or discussing the cool off with him. Just get active in other areas of your life. Go out with him some but not at the drop of a hat. Give the so-called relationship some distance.

The distance may put what you really feel for this man in perspective. The feelings may not be so deep after all. Perhaps it is wanting someone to hug or to do things with no one else is in sight. I would go out and have fun. Date others. It will help you get through this “crazy love” you are experiencing. Who knows, your man may come running back with open arms realizing what a great person he has taken for granted. The point is, you take control of your life and not mope around waiting for someone who may never commit.

The second thing you can do is DUMP HIM, ASAP. As much pain as letting go will cause you momentarily, dumping the guy who wants no future will set you free to find someone who does want a future with you. Yes, dumping this man will be painful but the pain will subside. It is much like being addicted to cigarettes. You love them while you are smoking. The nicotine is heavenly. Nevertheless, you do what is best and quit cold turkey. Ohhhh, the pain of withdrawal. You have to deal with it one day at a time. 
In the beginning, cigarettes permeate your dreams, your day thoughts, and then one day when you least expect it the pain stops. You can breath again. You can hike a mountain, run a miles, and your life is much better than ever with this new health.Forlorn, take my words and mull over them for a while (not too long though). 
In the meantime be good to yourself. Most of all don‚t sit at home on the bench while the man you lament over is not reciprocating your feelings. Get out of the house and have some fun, fun, fun. As mama always said, “There are many fish in the sea”. There is someone out there who will cherish you. Life is too short to settle for anything less.
Go boogie girl. 
Always, 
Ms. Reba 


© 2003 Rebecca Maloney All Rights Reserved.
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